Doug W Kelly - Online Memorial Website

Today and the last few days have been so hard. Its even hard to type this. Its been horrible between everything at school and all the stuff at home and missing you sooooooo much. Its just too hard for me. Help me out a little please. I love and miss you.

..so here i am, crying my eyes out and thinking about last Christmas. Oh how we laughed Doug! Plotting how to surprise Mom with you. The look on her face when we walked in and you had called her and were on your cell in her living room. I don't know how i am going to walk in there today. I feel like i don't have the strength to walk in there. I know I have to. For Mom and Dad, and for the kids. Please, give me the strength to pull myself together and get through this.
Every day gets harder and harder, i miss you more and more. Even the simplest tasks i find i can not complete and my mind starts wandering to you. Sometimes i laugh thinking of the texts we would share so late at night and throughout the day. I miss those.
I miss everything Doug. The inside jokes, the knowing looks, the secrets we shared... the times we would look back at our childhood and laugh at the memories. You have always been such a huge part of my daily life... and now, my heart is so broken. I am so broken inside Doug. This loss is immeasurable.
I love you Doug. This really sux

"Friends are angels who lift us UP when we believe out wings have forgotten how to fly"

 

I was going through a catalog of various odd stuff, I get to a page that contained a blanket with the above saying and thought of you immedicate as I read the wording. You have always been an amazing friend from day 1. God knows you helped me through alot over the years. Now you are one of my angels watching over me, guiding me, helping me, and sharing with me. You are still the same the amazing friend just not visible to the nake eye.

 

May the road rise up to meet you.
May the wind always be at your back.
May the sun shine warm upon your face,
and rains fall soft upon your fields.
And until we meet again,
May God hold you in the palm of His hand.

I don't know what I've done
Or if I like what I've begun
But something told me to run
And honey you know me it's all or none

There were sounds in my head
LIttle voices whispering
That I should go and this should end
Oh and I found myself listening

'Cos I dont know who I am, who I am without you
All I know is that I should
And I don't know if I could stand another hand upon you
All I know is that I should
'Cos she will love you more than I could
She who dares to stand where I stood

See I thought love was black and white
That it was wrong or it was right
But you ain't leaving without a fight
And I think I am just as torn inside

'Cos I dont know who I am, who I am without you
All I know is that I should
And I don't know if I could stand another hand upon you
All I know is that I should
'Cos she will love you more than I could
She who dares to stand where I stood

And I won't be far from where you are if ever you should call
You meant more to me than anyone I ever loved at all
But you taught me how to trust myself and so I say to you
This is what I have to do

'Cos I dont know who I am, who I am without you
All I know is that I should
And I don't know if I could stand another hand upon you
All I know is that I should
'Cos she will love you more than I could
She who dares to stand where I stood
Oh, she who dares to stand where I stood

"Where I Stood" - Missy Higgins

Doug,

 

Its been just over 2 months now since you left us here.  And you hear the old cliche that things get easier with time, but it doesn't.  The memories don't fade, the pain doesn't ease.  As the stories of your life flow so easily from my fingers to your family and friends, it conjures up feelings that I still can't get a grip on. 

A memory holds no candle to your voice or your infectious laughter.  No memory can replace your smile or hugs.   Nothing I hold dear in my heart is you..its just a memory now.  I have tried so hard not to break down but I grow tired of the fight.  I try to keep the happy fun times fresh in my mind, but the sorrow of losing you is so hard to fend off.  I come to this site on a daily basis to update and attempt to help those hearts that are shattered.  And I, like your parents, am amazed at the amount of lives you touched. 

Everyday, I battle to hold my own life together when inside I am falling apart.  I have learned how to put up a great front, because you know me, any sign of weakness for me is not something I show willingly.  I now wish all those times we said, maybe later, or next time, I could take back and never look to tomorrow and you'd still be here.  I wish I had something of you and I, other than what I hold in my heart, but we always though we had more time.  Never in my wildest dreams would or could I have ever thought this would happen so soon. 

I chat with Debbie or Jana and laugh about the good times, shed the same tears as them and we have all found a common ground and it seems we are all soo alike.  Its so easy to see why we all get along, we all love you.  I have had the opportunity to speak to Kalyn and in one aspect it breaks my heart to see her go through this, but I know in my heart she will know you the way we do.  We will make sure of it.  She is such a strong and amazing young lady.  You'd be so proud of the way she has handled all this. 

How much I wish for that just one more.... one more hello, one more hug, one more round, no goodbyes, only see ya later............................

It's amazing Doug. Every day I feel like it gets harder and harder not having you around. You were always more than just my brother, you have always been my best friend. My confidant. The one constant in my life. When everyone else in this world seems to pass judgement and always think the worst of me before really having all the info, you always thought the best... and when things were not at their best, you stuck by me anyway. You have always been the only one who has loved me unconditionally. I love you. I miss you so much. This hurt is so unbearable at times.
Most nights I lay in bed waiting for it to be time to get up again. Each day blends in to the next. I think about the little boy that I dragged all over Massapequa Park with me almost on a daily basis. The hide and go seek games with Jeff and Eric and Kerri. The times I took you on the trails to Bethpage when we were not suppose to be going THAT far. LoL. From bike adventures, to teaching you to drive a car when you were WAYYYY too young to have been even near a steering wheel ;-) So many great memories keep playing in my head like a non-stop video. All of those car rides to nowhere, "just because" .
You have always been the music in my heart Doug. I miss your laughter, your hugs, our late night texts keeping us laughing despite being so far away from each other. Nothing is the same now that you are not physically here. Nothing will ever be the same again.
I miss you. I love you. My heart aches so much

Doug,

 

I don't even know where to begin this.  This past month has been a nightmare for me.  I should be handling this by now and I can't.  I can't make it one day without a breakdown.  And you know that's not me.  I have always been the strong one and this time I am beyond weak.  I am just going through motions, no longer enjoying things.  I know that someday things will develop some sort of normalacy.  But for now, I just plain hurt.  For me to be at a total loss, is something I have never in my life dealt with before.  I have always had some sort of control and for once my life is spinning with me not able to grasp hold of anything stable.  You were so much more to me than a friend, you were a brother to me, someone I was so strongly connected to.  You saw me through some of the roughest times of my life with a smile and a hug and now when I need you the most, I can only pray you are still with me.  I hear you in my dreams, that mischievious giggle and your signature "hey you".  I know your spirit is still around but how I miss your smile and the stories.  I now take those 20 years we shared and cherish every moment that is so clear in my mind now.  Seems like yesterday we met and yet we've grown up and taken on our own lives but were never far from each other's hearts.  Now you have a permanant place in mine.  I know I have to carry on my life because its what you'd expect of me.  God only know's how you'd be all over me if you saw me in this sorry state as I would have done the same to you.  I love you Doug, my brother in heart and miss you terribly.